This article contains sensitive content and may be triggering for some readers.
Amanda’s Story:
“I was suffering with post-natal depression when I met my ex-partner. I think he realised that I was at a weak point. The violence happened straight away. He raped me and I became pregnant. I felt trapped by him and thought that nobody else would ever want me.
One of the first times he hurt me was by trying to break my arm by slamming it in a heavy door. Once the violence started, it never stopped. He was always hurting me. He would spit on me, smash things on me and punch me, telling me “you deserve to be dead and no one will miss you”
Simple things triggered him. He would attack me if he couldn’t hear the tv or if I asked him to get his dinner. He’d punch me over and over. I would wrap a pillow around my head so my children wouldn’t hear me when he was hitting me.
He made me feel I wasn’t worth anything and there was no other option for me. He told me he was the person putting a roof over our heads and without him we would have nothing.
There were countless police calls and countless times I told them that nothing has happened to me. He’d threaten the children, telling them that if they told the truth I’d be taken away and they’d never see me again. We were so controlled that I felt like I belonged to him and not to myself.
It all changed when one day he told the police I had been abusing him.
The police took me away and I was put in a cell. I felt so humiliated, but the police noticed I had injuries and asked me about them. They knew I was not the abuser. My partner was arrested.
He controlled us so much that me and my children withdrew our statements. He said he would change. After a month the violence started again.
The day I left was the day he threatened to kill my grandchild. My adult children came and helped me escape. This was when he started stalking me.
It began by leaving me presents outside my house. I was too frightened to tell anyone. Then the letters started. He would beg forgiveness and write “you know you want to be with me”. When I didn’t go back the threats started. He would message me saying “I am outside” and that he would burn the house down with me inside. He told me if he couldn’t have me then no one else could and he wasn’t bothered about going to prison.
I reported him to the police, and I was put in touch with FearFree.
My support worker made me feel that I wasn’t alone and that I deserve support and have the right to live safely. She has stayed with me with every step of the way from police appointments to court dates. I feel like without her help, I wouldn’t be here now; she made me believe I can do this.
This year I decided to do something to help other people who are going through what I went through. I decided to do a sky dive and chose to do the highest dive available -15,000ft! People asked aren’t you scared? No! I have survived decades of abuse- what’s a skydive?
On the day, my family came to watch and so did my support worker. For 60 seconds I was freefalling at 127 mph and for the first time ever I felt free. No one could touch me. I was free! I was the freest I had ever felt.
If you are in an abusive relationship now and if you don’t feel that you will be believed, I want to tell you that you will be. Learn to listen to yourself, there is a way out.”
If you are experiencing any of the issues discussed in this story, please contact our team for support. If you are in immediate danger please call 999.
Names have been changed for this article.
